And anxiety has been just under the edges of my heart this past week - and for many "legitimate" reasons, if I begin to lay them all out. It doesn't seem to matter how small, change affects me greatly and it doesn't take much for my hands to begin to wring and those lines in my forehead to appear.
Yesterday, when I first woke up, it had already settled heavy on my chest, already threatened to make it hard to breathe and already sleeping past when I should have been awake, I flew out of bed to find a cup of coffee already waiting for me.
Small graces come in large coffee cups.
Feeling restless, I felt for His Word and I opened up to John 14 where the very first line found me,
Do not let your heart be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in Me.
John 14:1
Big graces come in quiet Words.
His command wrapped around my heart all day, when decisions needed to be made, when I had to turn left on a busy road (I really dislike turning left), when I tried to find just the right present to touch a heart and make it grow, when I began to wonder about all the when's of our move...
As though my Father was wrapping His Words around His daughter to reign in her heart and bring her mind home close to Him.
I am still fighting to memorize those words in Romans, and hidden in chapter 8 is this,
Those who live according to the flesh have their
minds set on what the flesh desires;
but those who live in accordance with the Spirit
have their minds set on what the Spirit desires...
You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh
if indeed the Spirit of God lives in You.
Romans 8:5,9a
There is freedom when you begin to realize who you are in Jesus and the freedom found within Him and how the chains you thought were bound so tight snap in the very presence of Him.
In the realm of the Holy Spirit I find life.
So when I read last night what the adoring would be for today, I sat with it for a while. I know Jesus is the One Necessary Person for my life - to be healed, to be made whole: but the attribute for today - "The One Necessary Thing" found in those verses in Luke, didn't seem to mean Him.
So I dug a bit deeper and this is what I found:
When faced with distraction (worry, service, good works) I can choose to allow myself to be swayed and swept away with everything else, or, like Mary, in the face of what makes sense, I can still in the chaos and place myself before Him and be in His presence to receive the one necessary thing.
Today, when all those little distractions and worry begin to creep in, I have a choice - let it be the One Necessary Thing.
~~~
Jesus, You decided my days long before I ever existed - long before the world was even spoken into existence and You know already what lays before me this day. There is comfort in that, comfort in knowing that each moment is no surprise to You.
And there is a choice that You continually place before me - will I bow to the chaos of distraction or will I bow in surrender and worship to the Only One deserving of my life?
Keep my heart submitted to You, let me care more about what You are saying than the opinions of others or the anxiety that threatens to take over. You tell me not to be troubled, to believe in You and so I put my trust in the Only One who is unmoveable and unchanging and trust that by choosing the only necessary thing that I will find Your peace there.
