It is the first of November and my front window is cracked open because I burnt the popcorn and sugar and this house needs some fresh air. My toes are ridiculously cold and my slippers lay in a jumbled heap by the front door - there is no need to bother with them...I will be warm under covers soon.
My culinary attempts backfired this evening and instead of kettle corn, the little ones wolfed down chocolate popcorn instead. They seemed to appreciate the added flair of sea salt tossed in and we settled in and snuggled close while the movie flashed across the screen.
These moments this evening, the ones filled with giggles and tears and warm little bodies scooting in closer, there didn't seem to be enough time, enough awareness to soak it all in.
Provision - that word so tightly linked with money and finances and making certain that one always has enough. But what happens if it is more?
For those moments when the kind word is the last word you want to say,
When they are all asking and clinging and pulling and each one convinced that their request is the greater one,
When patience is so thin it can't even be seen and that cereal bowl filled full with milk and cheerios falls to the floor and you are already running behind,
When you say one thing and he hears another and there is that moment between the word you are going to regret saying and the breath you could take in instead.
Could we pause long enough instead to look for the ram in the thicket? Instead of grabbing hold of the tangible, the obvious, the flesh-bent answer, could we stop to listen for His voice?
As we journey up our own Moriah, taking faithful footsteps forward through questions and confusion and chaos, can we, can I, trust Him enough to know, to really know, that at just the right time, when I need Him to come through most, He will.
It may come all tangled up - I may still have to wrestle it out into the open, but I know that in my desperation, He will prove Himself faithful.
He is the God Who Provides.
Adoring:
I have known You as the One Who provides for our very physical needs, but I have overlooked the deeper, more intimate ways that You provide. For each moment that could erupt in tempers flaring or fears flailing, You provide the words, the attitudes that could bring You the most glory, if only I would open my eyes and my heart. You don't leave Your people caught in brokenness. You aren't after the death of a situation but You come near to breathe Life back into it.
My days are spent sorting out the tangled emotions of siblings growing and learning and being - to know that I can call on You and You will hear this mama's desperation and not only hear me, but deliver me - provide the insight, the wisdom, the words that I need - does more than settle my heart...it lifts my soul towards You and I can't help but glorify Your Name.
{November rolls around again and again, I place a singular focus on the 30 days of this month. Seems kind of silly to choose Adoration, since I had decided to try to Adore Jesus here for the next year. But Adoration can feel unexpectedly awkward and that awkwardness can cause a pulling back. So really, this month is to relight that fire I first felt back in the heat of summer and as the coolness of fall settles in, as the days grow darker, I want to refocus my heart back on this discipline. In a way, this is a restarting and a settling back in on a journey to know Him more...)
